Heart and Soul
by 7dragons7
Summary: After Ayanami was wounded from his battle in the Church, Hyuuga blames himself for not being able to protect his boss. -Manga spoilers-Slight yaoi-


Hyuuga had felt his heart brake. To see Aya-tan like that. After all his talk of protecting him, he had failed. He kept his smile in place his cheerfulness always intact. But he didn't feel anything of the sort.

After Ayanami had been healed, Hyuuga had made sure that the man was put to on bed rest. The man needed sleep anyway. Only getting three hours of sleep a night was not enough.

Hyuuga stood over the side of the bed, his sunglasses hiding dark blue eyes, hiding all the sadness that they held seeing his beloved Aya-tan like this… He just wanted to be able to protect him… Never leave the silver haired man's side…. He took the cold hand in his own. So cold. If he didn't know any better he'd think Aya-tan was dead…. That thought alone made him sick to his stomach.

The dark haired man sat on the edge of the bed. Ayanami's cold hand in his own. He pressed the pale hand against his cheek, a soft sigh escaping him. If only he had protected Aya-tan better….. If only…. Hyuuga reached out, with his other hand carefully, caressing a pale cheek of his superior. His beloved superior.

"I'm sorry… I should be able to protect you better…"

He felt the fingers twitch in his hand, specks of violet peaking out behind pale lashes. "Yukikaze…"

Hyuuga's sunglasses hid his eyes, and thank goodness. No need for Ayanami to see the pain and sadness reflected in them. "Not Yukikaze….just Hyuuga…" he said softly. No. He wasn't Yukikaze… the man who had left such a terrible hole in his Aya-tan… nothing seemed to be able to fill it. As hard as he tried… He'd never be that man. Never be that dear to Aya-tan..

He pulled his hand away from Ayanami's cheek, still holding on to the hand against his own cheek. He didn't want to let go. He should never let go. If he did, he'd lose his Aya-tan.

"Hyuuga.." Ayanami said the name. Violet eyes turned to look at the man. But he said nothing else.

The dark haired man let go of the cold hand. He would never be Yukikaze… he would never fill the gap in Aya-tan's heart. And Aya-tan would always hold that kind of disappointment when he looked behind him expecting to see his ever loyal Beigleiter and only see him. Just Hyuuga….

The hand that he had released slowly moved up to his face. Carefully reaching for the black glasses on his face. He wanted to stop the hand… he wasn't sure why he didn't. But by that time it was to late. His blue eyes revealed to his superior.

Blue and violet locked onto each other. At last one of them spoke.

"Why such sad eyes, Hyuuga."

The dark haired man did his best to smile, his eyes sliding shut. "What do you mean, Aya-tan? Sad eyes? If you saw such a thing, it's only because Aya-tan got himself all beat up."

"Is that so?" Hyuuga heard the sheets rustle as his boss moved to sit up.

Blue eyes peaked out a bit… "And maybe…. I'm a little sad that… that I couldn't protect you….after all… I always say I'll protect you, and the one time you needed me… I wasn't there. And you got yourself torn apart…" He couldn't keep his gaze on his superior any longer. And he had started talking, and he couldn't stop now, even though he should. "And…and… maybe, I'm just a little sad…that I can't be Yukikaze… because if Yukikaze was here, Aya-tan would smile like he used to. And be better protected. I'm sad because, I wish our places had been exchanged, that I had died, not Yukikaze. That would make Aya-tan happy.."

He couldn't go on. His blue eyes locked onto the bed. Unable to even glance at his commander. He could feel himself shaking slightly. He placed his hand over his face. Yes. If he had died and Yukikaze had lived….surly Aya-tan wouldn't have been hurt. Yukikaze would have protected him.

"You are a fool. And you always have been,"

Blue eyes glanced through his fingers to see violet boring into him. Narrowed and almost angry.

"If Yukikaze had lived, and you had died…. Then I wouldn't have Hyuuga to make me smile."

Blue eyes looked stunned at his boss. He slowly lowered his hand. "You mean that, Aya-tan?

"Yukikaze warmed my heart," the silver haired man said softly, placing his hand on his chest. And Hyuuga warms my soul. Yukikaze could never bring out the same smile that you bring out in me, Hyuuga. That's something only you can do. However. I've noticed, as of late, that Hyuuga can warm both my heart and my soul. That is not something Yukikaze could do."

Blue eyes were wide, taking in every detail of what his boss had said to him. He was shaking. Stunned. Touched. He couldn't help himself as he moved further onto the bed, and wrapping his arms around the slender always cold form. "Aya-tan…" He buried his face into silver hair and held onto his boss tightly. Ayanami was so stiff. Perhaps shocked by his actions. Relaxing very slightly into the touch.

"You must understand Hyuuga….I just can't replace Yukikaze. Everyone pushing another Beigleiter to me. Never giving me a chance to decide for myself what I want…" "I understand Aya-tan. I do.." He tightened his grip onto his Aya-tan. "I just want to protect you. More then anything." And he did understand. He was just as guilty. Telling Aya-tan that he should move on, and get a new Beigleiter. Someone who could protect him. But Aya-tan was always such a hard headed troublesome boss. Never listening to anyone.

"Will you.." Ayanami's voice was soft. Still weak form his dealings in the church. His guard was down. It was the only reason Hyuuga could hold his boss like this and not be sent flying. Why Ayanami would even dare to mention Yukikaze in front of Hyuuga. Slender arms wrapped around Hyuuga and the dark haired man couldn't help but gasp softly. He closed his eyes tightly, ridiculously happy at just this simple action. Tears just about forming in his eyes. "Will you, continue to protect me?"

He nodded vigorously, trying so hard to get words out. He just felt so happy. "Aya-tan, you never need to ask. I'll protect you always. Don't remove me from your side… I always want to be right here. My blade kills for you. Everything I do. It's all for you. I don't need a fancy title to know that I'd protect you no matter what." He meant every word. He always meant it.

He felt his boss relax a little more in his arms. Aya-tan was always so stiff. "Domo arigato, Hyuuga.."

"Don't thank me for doing something like that," Hyuuga chuckled softly blue eyes shining with happiness. "I'd do it anyway, even if you didn't want me to." He sighed contently. He nuzzled into his boss' neck. "I love you Aya-tan.."

The body in his arms stiffened once more. And blue eyes went wide at what he had uttered out. No taking it back now. He meant it. Just not something Aya-tan should ever hear. He'd withdraw…afraid to lose someone else who claimed to love him.

"Don't say foolish things like that," Ayanami pulled away, violet eyes blank.

Hyuuga gave his boss a pouting face, no longer able to hold onto his boss as Aya-tan was choosing to pout and be distant at his words. "It's not foolish. Just the truth. Aya-tan, you forget how much everyone here loves you. It's all about the same….we all desire your safety and happiness. And love you in different ..yet somewhat similar ways." Hyuuga gave Ayanami one of his large grins.

Ayanami said nothing more, laying back in his bed. Violet eyes cold, distant. Hyuuga had accidentally pushed Aya-tan away, just when he had gotten him close. He frowned slightly, moving onto the bed completely straddling his boss. Earning him un-amused, narrowed violet eyes.

"Ne, I wont take it back, Aya-tan. I shouldn't have to hide things like that. And you should already know that everyone here loves you. Deny it all you want. It doesn't change anything." Hyuuga nodded his smirk back in place. Knowing very well that if Aya-tan was at full health he'd be whipped within an inch of his life. He might still be when Ayanami got better. His blue eyes glanced at Ayanami's arm and ran his fingers ran along it. The memories of holding his broken boss…. Missing his arm and a good part of his side… never again did he want to see Aya-tan look like that.

His words did nothing to move the silver haired man. Once more Ayanami had sealed off his heart. Locking away any feeling, most likely regretting saying anything to Hyuuga.

The dark haired man sighed sadly. "Always so troublesome, Aya-tan. I wish you'd let me in. I've been by your side for so long, you should know I'm not going anywhere. Not even death will keep me away from you. I wont allow such a thing." He smiled a sad smile leaning down, pressing his lips against Ayanami's. Not caring how angry the man would be at him. He simply closed his eyes, and enjoyed his lips against his boss' smooth, yet cold ones.

And to his utter surprise, the lips under his own, parted slightly. Blue eyes peaked out to see violet. Vulnerable looking violet. To long his Aya-tan had kept his heart closed off. Locked away. He wouldn't let it be that way any longer. He moved one hand to cup Ayanami's cheek, sliding his tongue inside his boss' warm mouth. Unable to stop a soft moan that escaped him. Aya-tan tasted like darkness and wine. It was an intoxicating taste. And it made his heart swell when he felt Ayanami's tongue move along his.

Ayanami at full strength would be better. Both fighting for dominance in their kiss. Teeth nipping at each others lips, clawing at their clothing, trying to remove it quickly. But Ayanami wasn't at full health. Weak, a bit sick. So he had to be gentle. He broke their kiss, regrettably. He was getting ahead of himself anyway. Stealing a kiss was one thing. He couldn't take advantage of his boss like this.

He smiled sadly once more, leaving one lingering light kiss on Aya-tan's lips and sat back up. Removing his hand from Ayanami's pale face as well. His boss… so vulnerable looking on the bed. Silver hair messy scattered about on the pillow, pale skin having gained a pale pink flush. Lips wet and a bit bruised. Had he been kissing Aya-tan that hard? Guess so… And those violet eyes… not cold or hidden for once. Sparking with a life that Ayanami would normally not let a single soul see. Beautiful..

"I do love you Aya-tan…I'd do anything for you," Hyuuga simply smiled at his boss, grabbing his sunglasses that were laying ignored on the bed. He slid them back onto his face, and slid off his boss and the bed. He adjusted his coat.

"You're going to just leave? After uttering such nonsense?"

Hyuuga's grin only grew as he turned to look at an annoyed Aya-tan. "I can stay if you want. But, I feel bad taking advantage of poor weak, Aya-tan."

Violet eyes narrowed dangerously. Not amused clearly.

"Do you want me to stay or not, Aya-tan?" Hyuuga teased.

"Do as you like," huffed Ayanami looking away. He was becoming cold again. But it warmed something in Hyuuga's heart that he could warm Aya-tan up like that. Bring out some expression in him.

Hyuuga shrugged "Guess I'll go. With you being out, there is so much work to do. Might as well do some paperwork," with a grin the dark haired man left the room. Leaving his boss alone. He was actually only going out to grab an apple candy. Then return to his boss. And wouldn't Aya-tan be happy to see him. Glad to see that Hyuuga hadn't really left him.

He chuckled to himself, placing his hands behind his head as he walked. That was a dream to say the least. Aya-tan would be just as grumpy to see him. He had been pushing his luck. Ayanami would strangle him with his whip the next chance he got. It was well worth it. He could still taste Aya-tan. Darkness and wine.

Hyuuga grabbed two lollipops from his desk, one for him, one for Aya-tan, though he knew the silver haired man would refuse it. But things didn't go quite to his plan when he ran into Konatsu who dragged him right back into the office where he was actually forced to do work. And no amount of tears or complaining was going to change the blonde's mind.

And he never did good when forced to work. Unless vacations were promised. Even the thought of Aya-tan couldn't get him to work, he just ended up drawing the silver haired boss. Which only made Konatsu yell at him more.

It was late when he was finally allowed to leave. He sighed, heading back to where he had originally planned to go. To Aya-tan's room. Now he did feel bad for just leaving, he did intend to come back moments later. He stepped into the room, moonlight peaking through the window making the Chief of Staff's pale skin glow.

Hyuuga smiled softly, shutting and locking the door behind him. Aya-tan sleeping… something of myth and legend. He stepped towards the bed, his boss looking so peaceful, and much younger. The weight of the world not on his shoulders now. Hyuuga truly loved his boss. Every bit of him lived for this man. He'd give this man everything and more.

The dark haired man kicked off his boots and undid his belt that held his swords, setting the two blades aside. He was going to snuggle up with Aya-tan. Keep him warm. It'd be worth the whipping he was bound to receive.

He shrugged of his heavy jacket just leaving the regular black shirt on. He tossed the jacket on a spare chair, and set his sunglasses on the nightstand. His grin never leaving.

He was brimming with excitement at slinking into bed with Aya-tan. He slipped right into the bed under the covers. Nuzzling into Ayanami's neck.

"Hyuuga…" a sleepy yet surprisingly not threatening voice said.

"Aya-tan…" Blue eyes sparking with happiness, looked into the sleepy violet ones.

"You reek of apple candy.."

The dark haired man let out a laugh, pulling the slender man closer to him. He was taller then Ayanami so he adjusted them so, Aya was nuzzling into his neck, not the other way around. This had gone better then expected. Aya-tan accepting him into bed. True he might have a change of heart when he wakes up in the morning…but, for now, this was wonderful.

He could feel Ayanami's warm breath on his neck, soft silver hair brushing against his skin. And a cool body against his, lacking the warmth it should have.

"I'll protect you always, Aya-tan. Never will I allow you to become in this state again," Determination filled dark blue eyes.

"Hyuuga." the soft barely audible word whispered against his skin, made the dark haired man smile wider. And he held his boss tighter to him. His eyes slid closed. He had truly never been happier then he was right now. Ayanami in his arms. And he was in Ayanmi's heart. Slowly making his way to being the reason why his boss smiled. Slowly filling the hole in the Aya-tan's heart.


End file.
